


The Voice Within

by IcannotbelieveIamhere



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Gen, Start Trek: The Next Generation S06 E05 Schisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 19:24:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13770882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcannotbelieveIamhere/pseuds/IcannotbelieveIamhere
Summary: Ensign Rager, Commander William Riker and other crew members of the Enterprise deal with the consequences of being abducted by aliens and subjected to medical experiments.





	The Voice Within

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote an early version of this story shortly after watching the Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 6 episode "Schisms". I developed it further recently and have decided to share it on the Archive.
> 
> The original version of the story, "The Common Thread", was written during a time when very few people had access to the internet and online fan fiction was a dream which eventually came true. This was first published in Spock which was the fan fiction publication of Austrek:The Star Trek Fan Club of Australia.
> 
> The story takes place 2 weeks after the events of "Schisms"

Sariel Rager lay on the bed, waiting. The bed felt different to the one she'd been on before. This bed was harder. The room she'd been in before had a window with blue curtains. This room didn't have a window. She'd been in this room before, or a similar looking room. This was the room they took her to, before they took her to the room with the light. She didn't like the room with the light. The light made her left eye sore.

There was a man standing next to her bed. He was dressed in a long red robe which covered most of his head. She could only see his face. She wondered why he was dressed in red. She thought he would look better in green, her favourite colour. Mummy said he would make her better. She was afraid he was going to hurt her.

“This will make you a little bit sleepy dear,” he said softly.

He held the hypospray above her face, then pressed it on her neck. She felt herself drifting. The bed was moving. She was floating towards the room with the light. She lifted her hand to her face.

“Don't touch your left eye,” her Mummy had said.

Suddenly she was in a room with a bright light above her. She looked around the room. She saw small red lights on the walls and strange machines. She was in the wrong room! Why had they taken her to the wrong room? Where were all the people in red robes? Usually they surrounded her so she couldn't see the room, only the light above. She looked down at her arm. There were three black tubes coming out of it.

Then she saw the creatures. They were dressed in black robes and she couldn't see their faces. They were moving around the room and working with the strange machines. She could hear sounds all around her. They were clicking sounds repeated over and over.

Some clicks were high pitched, others were low pitched. They were like the sounds she made when she tapped glass bottles with different amounts of water in them.

On of the black robed creatures came towards her. When he stood above her she could see his eyes. They were red, the same shade of red as the doctors' robes. The creature lifted his arm and touched her face.

“Don't hurt my eye!” she screamed.

She looked up at the light. It was different. It was getting closer and closer to her face. It wasn't a light any more. It was a giant hypospray moving towards her. She tried to sit up but the hypospray was too close. She rolled over and fell onto the floor. She crawled along the floor trying to find a way out of the room.

She felt someone behind her. An arm came across her chest and grabbed her. She closed her eyes and screamed. She felt herself being lifted up. Something rough brushed against her face.

She struggled.

“Let me go,” she pleaded. “I want to go home. Let me go!”

 

Ensign Sariel Rager sat up in bed. She felt sweat running down her face and back.

“Computer....half lights.”

She felt relieved to see the familiar surroundings of her quarters. Her green blankets had been thrown to the end of her bed. She looked towards the food replicator.

“Computer...hot chocolate.”

She sighed as the drink materialised before her. It was going to be another long night. When she was a child, her mother had sat with her and told her that the nightmares would go away. Now she was alone. Who would hold her hand now?

 

“And now I feel like a child again, struggling for my life.”

Ensign Rager sat on a couch in Counsellor Deanna Troi's office. Deanna had asked her to lie down but Ensign Rager had refused.

“Sometimes, even when I lie down for a moment, I can feel them above me.”

Deanna was sitting next to her, holding her hand. Deanna was wearing her green outfit. In her previous session, Ensign Rager had mentioned that green was her favourite colour and Deanna wanted to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Ensign Rager wore her red uniform. She had just completed her shift on the bridge as conn officer.

Deanna's day had been difficult. During the morning she and Captain Picard had been involved in negotiations with the Ayen Ambassador. Her afternoon had been filled with counselling sessions. Her previous session had been with Geordi La Forge.

Two weeks earlier, Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge, Commander Riker, Lieutenant Worf, Ensign Rager and several other Enterprise crew members had been abducted by a group of Solonagen based aliens and subjected to extensive medical experiments. All the crew members had discussed their nightmares with her except for Lieutenant Worf who claimed he didn't suffer from nightmares. Deanna suspected his reluctance to speak to her was due to his stubborn Klingon pride.

Ensign Rager had described the nightmares she experienced as a child after being in hospital, as well as her recent nightmares.

“Was your life a struggle? Did your family help?” Deanna said.

Ensign Rager was silent for a moment. Deanna sensed it had been a long time since she had thought about her childhood. Slowly she was beginning to understand how Ensign Rager's early experiences had affected her.

“My mum spent lots of time in hospital with me, but she wasn't allowed in the operating theatre. That's when I needed her the most.”

Ensign Rager's voice was distant. She was looking at Deanna's food replicator but her eyes weren't focused.

“And I was in hospital so often.....When I think of those years, all I can remember is being in hospital. I know I spent more time at home, but all I can remember is the hospital. It's where I first felt self-aware. I wanted to explore the world, but I couldn't. I had to lay there and wait for my eye to heal.”

Deanna had been given access to Ensign Rager's medical file. Ensign Rager had been born with several deformities in her left eye. Her doctors had repaired one deformity, only to discover more deformities later. Ensign Rager was allergic to many drugs. This had lengthened her healing process.

“Is that why you joined Starfleet? To explore the world....,” Deanna wondered.

“Yes. I love working on the bridge. It feels great to be in control of the ship. That's why I hate it when I can't do my job properly. Like when the ship was caught in Tyken's Rift and I couldn't remember how to work the conn panel. I felt horrible when Commander Riker sent me to sick bay.”

Deanna recalled her own experiences when the Enterprise had been trapped in the Tyken's Rift. While the rest of the crew suffered dream deprivation, she experienced nightmares caused by telepaths aboard another ship trapped in the Rift. It was only when she took control of her nightmares and sent a message to the other ship, the Enterprise broke free and her nightmares ended.

Deanna realised that Ensign Rager needed to take control of her nightmares. Deanna thought about how she could help Ensign Rager direct the nightmares. Deanna realised she needed to know more about the nightmares and what had triggered them. What was the common thread?

“What happened in your nightmares when you were a child?”

“I spent so much time in hospital....once I was home....part of me wanted to go back. I only dreamt about bad things. After my operations, I was sensitive to light. In my dreams there was always a big light......Pain.....all through my body.........Later, I realised the drugs I was allergic to were causing the pain. It took ages for the doctors to work out which drugs to use.”

“What happened after the nightmares?” Deanna's voice was gentle and soothing.

“I woke up in the middle of the night. Mum heard me screaming. She put her arms around me and told me everything would be okay.”

Deanna saw a tear run down Ensign Rager's face. She sensed Ensign's Rager's need for comfort and her fear of showing weakness in front of her superiors. It had been hard for Ensign Rager to admit her feelings.

“I know it's difficult for you,” Deanna said quietly, “but it will help if you tell me what you remember about when you were abducted.”

Ensign Rager sighed and took several deep breaths.

“It's okay,” Deanna said, “Just take your time.”

“It happened more than once. I remember bits and pieces.”

Ensign Rager's voice was soft, but steady.

“It was like my trips to the hospital, when each visit blurred into one long visit and I couldn't remember the time in between.”

“Tell me what stands out the most.”

“I remember the room was dark, except for the light above my head. One of the aliens was standing over me. He was adjusting a tube going into my arm. I was afraid I'd be allergic to the drugs in the tube.”

Suddenly Deanna felt an intense surge of fear. It wasn't coming from Ensign Rager. She had felt this fear before but she couldn't tell where it was coming from. The feeling had something to do with the effect of a drug. She tried to block the feeling, but it was very strong. She tried to focus her mind. Slowly she silently counted backwards from ten to one and realised that Ensign Rager was still speaking.

“Later, when I heard Lieutenant Hagler's blood turned into plastic, I was even more afraid.... What were those drugs? Why didn't I die? Counsellor, are you okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine” Deanna said quickly.

“You seemed distracted,” Ensign Rager said, “I guess you had a long day with the Ayen Ambassador.”

“Yes,” Deanna replied.

“I've had a long day too. I could hardly keep my eyes open on the bridge. I could see Commander Riker watching me. I didn't want to disappoint him. He's been really supportive.”

“What do you remember about the last time you were in the aliens' lab?”

Ensign Rager gazed out the windows at the stars.

“The alien was moving my leg up and down,” Ensign Rager whispered, “I couldn't stop him. Suddenly he went away. There were three tubes in my arm. I remember someone carrying me, but I didn't know it was Commander Riker until we were in Cargo Bay 4. I was lying on the floor and Commander Riker and Lieutenant Commander Data were above me. There was a small sphere of bright light hovering above us. We watched it fly around and then it disappeared.”

“How did you feel?”

“I don't know.....shocked....confused...tired....”

Deanna thought carefully about her next question.

“When did the new nightmares start?”

“Doctor Crusher removed the tubes from my arm. I spent the night in sick-bay. Maybe it was the feel of the bed that triggered the nightmares.”

Ensign Rager had spoken about some of her nightmares in previous sessions with Deanna. She had described a waiting room, an operating theatre and a giant hypospray, but Deanna sensed she had been holding something back.

“How long are your nightmares?”

“Sometimes they're short. Sometimes I wake up when I see the aliens. Some dreams are longer.”

“What's the last thing you remember in your long nightmares?”

“I'm on the floor, crawling.”

Ensign Rager's hands were shaking. She began to breathe faster and faster.

“I know it's hard,” Deanna said, “You're very brave.”

“There's someone behind me. An arm comes in front of me and grabs me. I close my eyes and scream.”

“Close you eyes now. Tell me what you can feel.”

“There's something rough against my face.”

“Like a fabric... or sand?” Deanna needed more information in order to fit all the pieces together.

“No....something....hairy. I struggle, throwing my arms and legs around....then I wake up.”

Ensign Rager opened her eyes.

“Why did you close your eyes in the dream?”

“They were sore.......and I was too scared to look.”

Deanna thought for a moment.

“When you next have a nightmare and you are on the ground,” Deanna said, “I want you to look closely at the arm that grabs you. Don't close your eyes. Focus on the person who's holding you.”

“I don't know if I can. What if he puts me on the bed again?”

“It's possible that you keep having this dream, because you stop the dream before you reach the end of it. I know you want to be in control, but if you struggle, you'll wake up without resolving the dream.”

“But.......” 

“Think positive.” Deanna's voice was encouraging. “If you believe that you can resolve the dream, you'll succeed. You can take control.”

Deanna sensed a feeling of hope in Ensign Rager.

“Remember, it's only a dream. The aliens can't hurt you in your dream unless you let them.”

“Okay, I'll try.” Ensign Rager smiled at Deanna. “Thanks Counsellor. I'd go crazy if I didn't have someone to talk to.”

“You're welcome. Let me know what happens.”

The door to Deanna's cabin chimed.

“Who is it?” Deanna asked.

“Commander Riker.”

Deanna was surprised to hear Will's voice. Suddenly she realised she had an appointment with him to discuss Performance Assessment Reports. How had she forgotten that?

“Come in,” she called.

The door opened and Commander Riker entered. He looked at Ensign Rager and then Deanna.

“Hello Counsellor... Ensign Rager.”

Ensign Rager released Deanna's hands and stood up.

“Commander,” Ensign Rager nodded.

“I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.” Commander Riker said.

“No sir. We've just finished,” Ensign Rager said.

“I'll see you on the bridge Ensign.”

“Aye sir.”

Deanna sensed that Ensign Rager was still uneasy. Commander Riker smiled in a reassuring and friendly way. Deanna felt Ensign Rager's tension ease. Will Riker had a way of making people feel comfortable around him.

 

As Ensign Rager left the cabin, Commander Riker sat down on the couch. There was a table in front of the couch with a computer screen on it.

“How did your negotiations go with the Ayen Ambassador?” Riker asked.

“Very well...he seems to understand the Federation's position.”

“Good. Are you ready to start?” Riker asked as he called up the reports on the computer.

“Almost,” Deanna said. She needed a moment to clear her mind. She could still sense Ensign Rager's lingering fear. She walked over to her desk and picked up a hairbrush. As she brushed her hair she wondered how long she would need to counsel the crew members who had been abducted.

She recalled the time she had spent with them on the holodeck. Together they had recreated the aliens' lab. This sight of the bare metal table had sent chills down her spine. It was the first time she had sensed someone else. Had another crew member been abducted? Were they afraid to approach her? Why had their mind preyed on hers each time she spoke with one of the crew members who had been abducted?

“Deanna?”

Will's voice was a whisper, many miles away.

“Sorry Will.”

“Deanna, you've been brushing the same piece of hair for the past few minutes. Are you okay?”

“I'm fine, Will.”

Deanna's mind snapped back into focus.

“Who were we up to in our last session?” Deanna asked.

“Ensign Gomez.”

During the next hour, Deanna and Will discussed the performance reports for the previous six months. It was a long process and Deanna often found these sessions tiring. Deanna was staring at Ensign Lefler's report when she sensed that Will was watching her.

“We can stop, if you don't feel up to it,” Will said.

“I'm okay,” Deanna replied.

Will didn't seem convinced. The next report was for Ensign Rager.

“How has Ensign Rager performed on the bridge in the past few weeks?” Deanna asked.

“Competently.” Will replied sharply, “But she looks as if she hasn't had much sleep,” he added with more feeling.

'No, she hasn't,” Deanna said, careful not to reveal any confidential details. Suddenly she sensed that Will was as tired as she was.

“Have you been getting enough sleep?”

“No, but I'll survive,” Will said quickly.

Deanna could see in Will's eyes that he wanted to go on with this session. His duty as First Officer was always his priority but she also sensed that he wanted to relax.

“Would you like a drink?” Deanna asked.

“I'd love a hot chocolate,” Will said.

Deanna went over to the food replicator and ordered two hot chocolates.

“Ever since Ensign Rager and I were abducted, I've been watching her closely,” Will said. “She's a fine officer. Very efficient. I'd hate to see this experience ruin her career.”

“She's had a difficult time,” Deanna said as she sipped her hot chocolate. Will swallowed a mouthful of his drink.

“I understand. I keep thinking of the last time I was in the aliens' lab. I was prepared to die there. It was my duty. Then I saw Ensign Rager and I knew I had to bring her back. She didn't deserve to be trapped. Sometimes, when I look at her now, I can't get that day out of my mind. We were lucky to escape.”

Deanna sensed Will's frustration. There were feelings he needed to resolve. But he hadn't come to her looking for a solution. Ensign Rager had wanted her to find a way to stop her nightmares. Will had his own way of dealing with his problem. He had confided to her as a friend. Will was the best friend she had on the Enterprise. He'd shared his feelings with her. She needed to share her feelings with him.

Deanna tried to think of a time when something similar had happened to her. She recalled an incident several years before when she, Will and her mother had been kidnapped and kept prisoner on a Ferengi ship. Daimon Tog had been infatuated with her mother and wanted Lwaxana to help him in his business negotiations. Mother had kept him busy while she and Will had sent a message to the Enterprise.

“You know, whenever I see a Ferengi, I think of the time we were kidnapped with Mother. There were moments there when I thought I was going to lose her.”

“I know. I felt the same.” Will's face brightened. “But sometimes I look back and laugh.”

Deanna smiled as she remembered Captain Picard declaring his passionate love for Lwaxana. He had convinced Daimon Tog that he was prepared to destroy his vessel if Lwaxana wasn't released. The Ferengi, driven by profit and self-preservation had transported Lwaxana to the waiting arms of Picard.

Deanna's face darkened again as she thought of the Solonagen-based aliens. At least she understood the Ferengi mind, even if she couldn't sense it. This time, Will had been kidnapped by a race they had little understanding of.

“I can feel what you're going through, Will.”

“It's not what they did to me that bothers me.”

Will looked down at his right arm which had been amputated and surgically re-attached.

“Why did they take us? What were they looking for? What did they hope to gain in their experiments?” Will's puzzlement grew as he spoke. “What would have happened if we hadn't taken control? For them to go to so much trouble........they must have wanted something important. What did they want?”

What did they want?

Will's voice played over and over in Deanna's mind. Her breath quickened as the feelings which had haunted her flooded through her once more.

“Deanna?”

She could barely hear Will's voice.

What did they want? She couldn't get the voice out of her mind. Suddenly it wasn't Will's voice.

What do you want?

What do you want with me?

The voice was her own. A voice she had buried deep within her. Suppressed images and sensations filled her consciousness.

“They were curious,” Deanna gasped, “But it was more.....They wanted to know more.....to know more so they could come.....could overcome....No!!!!!”

“Deanna!”

Deanna could hear the concern in Will's voice but she couldn't sense him. Her feelings were so strong they were blocking his mind. Her body shook..

Will put his arms around her but she pushed them away.

“No.”

Suddenly Deanna was in a dark room laying on a hard metal surface. There was a restraint across her chest. Three black cloaked figures stood above her. One of them adjusted a tube going into her right arm.

The aliens' feelings flowed through her. They were fascinated by her hybrid biology. The darkness of their thoughts terrified her. She felt their desire to exploit, then suddenly their emotions were gone. She couldn't feel them. She looked down at the tube in her arm. She wanted to pull it out. She couldn't move.

“Give it back,” she cried.

One alien adjusted the tube. Once again, their minds were open to her. The horrors in their minds came back and all she wanted to do was close her mind again.

Deanna slowly became aware of her surroundings. Will was staring into her eyes. She sensed that he had also just relived his experiences in the alien lab.

“They took me, Will,” she said softly. “They gave me a drug. One moment I could feel their emotions, then their minds were closed to me.”

Will put his arm around her shoulders and this time she didn't push him away. Deanna shared what she had discovered of the aliens' motives.

“It's okay,” Will said gently. “You're here. I'm here. They can't hurt us now.”

“But if they can take away my empathy, what else can they do? What if they find a way back?”

“They won't,” Will said quickly, but Deanna sensed he didn't believe it.

Deanna leaned closer to Will and felt his breath on her face. She felt the waves of reassurance and love he was sending her. She didn't want to be alone.

“I can still feel them,” Deanna sighed.

“So can I,” Will whispered. His soft hand stroked her cheek. “So can I.”

 

Sariel Rager crawled along the hard cold floor. She wanted to find a way out of the room. She felt someone behind her. An arm appeared in front of her and she noticed the material around the arm was red. The arm grabbed her and a man lifted her up. She was afraid. She wanted to closer her eyes but she kept them open. Something rough brushed against her face. She felt the man's beard.

She didn't struggle. She lay in the man's arms but her muscles were taut The man ran towards a bright light. He jumped into the light and she felt herself floating.

She was in Cargo Bay 4. She was lying on her back and Commander Riker was above her. He was smiling at her in the friendly way she had seen in the Counsellor's office.

“Are you okay?” he said gently.

“Aye sir.”

She stared into his dreamy eyes as a sense of calm overcame her.

 

Deanna opened her eyes. She was laying on the couch in her office. Her head was resting on Will's lap. She didn't know how long she had been there.

“Will?”

“How do you feel?”

Deanna's mind was clear. The images had disappeared. She sat up and stared at the computer screen which was displaying an image of Ensign Rager. Deanna reached out her mind. The lingering fear she had sensed earlier, was gone.

“Better.”

Will reached out and took her hand in his.

“Why did you take so long to remember?” Will asked.

'It scared me so much, I blocked it out, to protect myself. When you probed me for a reason, somehow the memory was released. The aliens took away my empathy. That's my worst fear.”

“I understand.”

“I have to prepare a report for the Captain. He needs to know what the aliens wanted.”

“It can wait. I'm worried about you.”

“I'll be fine,” Deanna said quickly.

Deanna thought about the other crew members who had been abducted. She had seen them individually. Maybe there was a better way to help them. She decided to organise a group session. Everyone could share their experiences and draw on each other for emotional strength. She hoped they would no longer feel alone.

“Could you handle the emotions?” Will asked after she explained her idea.

'Now that I understand what happened to me, I'll be able to create a mental shield.”

Will looked into her eyes.

“Are you going to tell them.....?”

Will didn't need to finish the question. She decided to tell the senior officers of the aliens' plans but the other crew members didn't need to know.

“They were curious about their discovery,” Deanna pondered.

It was part of the truth. She was tired and decided to start organising group sessions the next day. She smiled at Will. Earlier in the evening, Will had needed her. Now she needed him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Will smiled. Deanna looked into his eyes, remembering the many experiences they'd shared together and the closeness they felt. She wanted him to hold her.

Will put his arms around Deanna's shoulders and held her.

 

Sariel Rager lay on her back. She felt the blankets around her. She smiled. The nightmares were over.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think.
> 
> This is the first time I have shared a short story online.
> 
> I hope to share more fan fiction online in various fandoms including Star Trek, Arrow and Flash.


End file.
